This Is Almost Unbelievable…

Exiting pastor saddles Church with an odd worship leader:

Fresno — After repeated conflicts with his church board about the direction of Family Life Center, pastor Dave Chandler decided to leave the church. But on his way out he used a little-known clause in the bylaws to singlehandedly hire a new worship leader: Bill MacNerny who specializes in “alien folk music” and “tunes for chickens and other intelligent beings.” MacNerny was last employed as a street performer in Key West, Fla., and has made several albums of himself playing the ukelele and making barnyard sounds.

“We’re in a true bind,” says board member Jeff Garrety. “We couldn’t believe when this bozo showed up to lead worship.”

The quirk in the bylaws gave Chandler sole authority to hire and fire the worship leader and to define contract terms. The contract includes a severability clause of $150,000 if MacNerny is fired before two years. It also specifies that he must lead worship on Sunday mornings and any other time the church meets. Lawyers informed the board that the contract is legitimate and must be respected.

On a recent Sunday morning, MacNerny opened the service with a rendition of “Amazing Grace” in which he encouraged audience members to make “Martian noises.” Few people joined in. He then segued into “This Old Man, he played one, he played knick-knack on my thumb” and seemed unfazed by people’s non-participation.

The church has tried to work around MacNerny by cranking the volume of everyone else on stage and having other musicians wear brightly colored clothing. Still, it’s hard to look past his signature look which he describes on his web page as “Where exactly am I?”

“It saps part of your soul to show up Sunday morning and see Bill in his undersized cowboy hat, strumming the ukelele,” says one man. “A lot of people are trying out other churches.”

Some want the church to pay $150,000 just to get rid of MacNerny. Others want to make the best of it for two years and say it could bolster small group participation.

After making a series of weird noises he describes as “me entering the room,” MacNerny says in a phone interview that he is happy to be at Family Life Center because it offers a built-in audience and less reliance on tips. Street performing taught him to hold people’s attention, a skill he hopes to employ at the church, along with “making sure people get their proper amounts of of gamma rays, and also consider poultry ownership,” he says.

Chandler, in between ministry assignments and living in Alabama, says he thinks MacNerny makes a good fit for the church, and for the board members.

I just have to shake my head…


Joel Osteen’s to Star in own Reality Show!

Pastor-celebrity-cult-status seeking. Sinful me-sim:

More than 10 million people watch Joel Osteen’s television broadcast each week, and soon viewers will be able to see how the pastor of America’s largest church lives outside of Lakewood.

A new reality show will follow the Osteens’ ministry as they serve and inspire people across the U.S., Lakewood confirmed.

TMZ broke the news, with details from the show’s producer, Mark Burnett:

Survivor” producer Mark Burnett is teaming up with Joel Osteen for a primetime network show in 2012, TMZ has learned.

Burnett tells TMZ, the premise of the show is that ordinary people will give up several days or longer to go on a mission with Joel Osteen, one of the most popular pastors in the world. All of the missions will be in the confines of US soil to “start fixing things.”

Over the years, “just about every studio in Hollywood” has pitched show ideas to the Osteens, but they’ve always turned them down, until now, said Don Iloff, Lakewood spokesman.

The Osteens have been friends with Burnett and his wife Roma Downey, who are Christians and have visited Lakewood in the past, and they trust Burnett’s vision and expertise in the reality TV medium.

The program is in its early planning stages and has not secured a network to air it or even a name yet. The Osteen ministry team hopes it provides uplifting, positive programming that will bring families together to watch…

From Hollywood’s perspective, it’s not necessarily about the content, but the marketability and profitability of such programs, said Richard Flory, an expert in American Christianity at the Center for Religion and Civic Culture at the University of Southern California.

“It’s a different twist on this kind of short-term mission trip evangelicals have done for a long time,” said Flory of the proposed Osteen show. “It turns it into an entertainment model, where you feel good watching it, people feel good doing it and Joel Osteen gets exposure.”

Perish the thought! I mean, who the heck cares what Osteen does in his own time. He ain’t Jesus! Gosh, it’s enough to drive any God-fearing person to throw away the TV, for good! The whole Osteen idea makes one sick, to the gut! Forget about him and prime time TV. Your time is far better spent reading your Bibles! Please!!!



Pastor Shoots 13-Year-Old Boy

The teen threw a rock at the Pastor’s car:

An Atlanta pastor was arrested Saturday after police said he shot a 13-year-old boy in the hip for shattering the back of his windshield with a rock.

Atlanta police charged Mr. Alex Williams with aggravated assault in the incident that happened about 7:30 p.m. near the intersection of Stephens and McDaniel streets, spokeswoman Ms. Kim Jones said.

The boy was throwing rocks at passing cars, Ms. Jones said.

“One of the rocks struck the back windshield of Alex Williams vehicle,” Ms. Jones said. “The windshield was shattered.

“Mr. Williams got out of his vehicle with a handgun and shot the teenager in the hip,” she said.

Police arrested Mr. Williams on the scene without incident. Mr. Williams is the pastor of the Mechanicsville United Church of God in Christ on McDaniel Street.

Emergency workers transported the boy to a local hospital where he was listed in stable condition…

Continue reading here.


‘Pervert’ Pastor

What a charlatan!

Pastor Paseka Motsoeneng claims to have special healing powers and portrays himself as a son of God who deals with evil spirits.

But now the popular television star has been outed as a fake and allegations of sexual assault have surfaced.

Thousands of believers flock to the Incredible Happenings Ministries in Katlehong in the East Rand each Sunday in the hope of receiving miracle cures.

Motsoeneng is the star of his own TV show which airs on Soweto TV every weekend, and viewers have “witnessed” miracles such as wheelchair-bound people being able to walk instantly after receiving miracle cures from the pastor.

People also testify to shocking things like fish, crocodiles and stones coming out of their bodies.

When he goes to preach he is seen driving flashy sports cars and accompanied by heavily armed bodyguards .

But now Motsoeneng has been accused of being a fraud.

According to the Sunday World newspaper, the pastor acts out carefully staged and managed situations on his weekend television show.

Motsoeneng has also been labelled as a “pervert” because of the unusual way he heals people, as well as a “thief” who steals the church’s money.

The newspaper reported that thousands of people had attended his service in Katlehong last week to witness his miraculous demon-banishing service which “resembled a porn movie”, rather than a religious service.

The self-styled prophet Motsoeneng put his fingers into the vaginas of two female congregants as part of a ritual to expel the demons that had allegedly possessed them.

Motsoeneng’s unorthodox demon-banishing methods, which may constitute indecent assault, alarmed other miracle-seekers who attended.

Sitting on the lap of a 17-year-old girl, Motsoeneng placed his hand on her head, and started praying for her.

Motsoeneng told the congregants her tummy had swelled up because some sorcerers had cast an evil spell on her.

As he was praying for her she collapsed. Motsoeneng then told the teenager to open her legs, which she did.

He then plunged his fingers into her vagina.

As he was busy with his “healing process”, Motsoeneng ordered her to call him by his nickname, Mboro.

“Mboro” she said, with a stifled cry.

He was interrupted by a female congregant who brought him a glassful of what looked like ice-cream, which she spoon-fed him. He was still sitting on the woman’s lap.

Despite the huge outcry following Motsoeneng’s “demon banishing” service last weekend, Katlehong police say they are not investigating the matter.

“I cannot comment on the issue,” said Constable Mega Ndobe of the Katlehong police.

We have not received any complaints from anybody so far and the pastor has not engaged in any criminal activity.”

Earlier this year, the Incredible Happenings Church almost had its doors closed permanently after it was revealed that Motsoeneng and his flock had been worshipping on the land unlawfully.

However, the Johannesburg High Court granted them an interdict stopping the council from evicting them from the land where they worship.

Motsoeneng’s TV show is also in jeopardy as Soweto TV is considering pulling the plug.

On the Incredible Happenings Church website, Motsoeneng claims to heal people of different illnesses such as those that affect “vuvuzelas (penis)” and “biscuits (vagina)”.

He even claims that people have been healed from “giving birth to snakes, snails and other creatures”.

The website also has an online store where believers can purchase Incredible Petroleum Jelly, T-shirts, and DVDs – all with Motsoeneng’s face on the products. -Saturday Star